


Sorry

by stewrites



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Drunk Texting, Getting Back Together, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Inspired by Music, M/M, Oneshot, Past Relationship(s), Sad, Sasuke's POV, Texting, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26868523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stewrites/pseuds/stewrites
Summary: Sasuke goes out for drinks like most nights, but on this one he crosses a line. He never could get over his ex-boyfriend, so he probably shouldn't mix alcohol and too many thoughts, but he does and ends up drunk-texting Naruto on a Thursday night.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97





	Sorry

"Sasuke, you should probably slow down."

"Shut up." He grumbles at the redhead girl who sits next to him on the bar. Karin looks at him with concerned eyes, but she knows better than to push his buttons when he's drinking. He didn't even want her to be here tonight, watching him drinking his sorrows for the nth time, but there she is. She worries too much about him, he knows how to take care of himself. He isn't a teenager anymore, he knows his limits and his problems, so she should probably just leave already and let him drink in peace.

Karin, however, doesn't leave. She never does. They've been friends for a good amount of years now, and she's already used to his less-than-likable personality. He tries to tell himself he doesn't need her there, but her company makes him feel safe. She's one of the few people he couldn't push away because she's way too insistent for her own good. Sasuke doesn't admit it out loud, but she knows he cares for her just like she cares for him. That's why she's there now, staring at him when he downs yet another shot on this night. 

Sasuke had bad drinking habits, he was aware. He refused to deal with his anger and his sadness in more healthy ways, instead choosing to damage his liver with different types of alcoholic beverages. It wasn't different today, of course. And the reason he was there, in this filthy bar, looking down at an empty shot glass, was the same as it had been for the past months. This was becoming borderline obsessive, and he just couldn't help it. He couldn't avoid thinking about those blue eyes.

Damn blue eyes.

Damn blonde hair.

Damn soft hands.

Damn Naruto.

The worst of all is that he knew it had been all his fault. Like everything else.

He knew he had fucked it up big time. He always did. Sasuke couldn't remember a single good thing in his life that he hadn't fucked up besides his friendship with Karin and Suigetsu. Everything he touched came to ashes, he just couldn't help it. And, of course, this included the relationship he and Naruto had.

It wasn't long, but it was meaningful. Sasuke could say, without a doubt, that he had _never_ been as happy in his whole life as he was during those two months they spent together. It was just too good to be true, Naruto was too good to be true. He had come into Sasuke's life as suddenly as he made Sasuke fall in love with him. Naruto had a charming personality and breathtaking looks, you just couldn't turn your eyes away from him. He was like a walking ray of sun, lightning up Sasuke's life until it was fucking blinding. He had never met someone as bright as him, or as beautiful as him, or as gentle as him. And, of course, he could never have seen it coming that Naruto would ask him out. _Him._ He always wondered if he was dreaming it, but it was true. Naruto's soft touches on his skin, warm breath on his nape and feather-like fingers on his back reminded him that, yes, it was real.

And being real is what made it worse.

Because all that time when they were together, a little voice on the back on Sasuke's mind told him that he would fuck it up.

And fuck it up, he did.

After two months, Sasuke practically ran away.

He ran away from Naruto. Ran away from a happiness he didn't think he deserved.

He ran away because that was what he always did. He pushed his feelings aside and convinced himself that Naruto deserved better than someone like him, that it wasn't fair that he kept such a good man to himself when he had the same worth as a trash-can rat. Sasuke was stupid, so fucking stupid, if he believed that it would work out. They could never be together for a long time, he was just sparing Naruto of the work of breaking up with him.

Fuck, why was he like that?

"Sasuke, I really think I should take you home now." Karin said again, sighing as she saw him ask for another shot. 

"Why?" He retorted in an annoyed voice. He knew he was crossing his limits, but this night was especially bad. It was supposed to be their one year anniversary, damn it! Why couldn't she leave him the fuck alone like everybody else always did? Why the fuck did she insist so much on him?

"Because you're losing your mind. C'mon, Sas, let me take you home."

He looked at her like she was saying the most bullshit he had ever heard.

"I'm serious, Sasuke. You cannot drink this much."

"I can still think very well, thank you, mom."

"Stop being a bitch. C'mon, I'm paying the bill and we are getting the fuck out of here."

"Why would I go with you?"

"Because I'm telling you to." She replied in a harsh tone. He knew she was serious, so he just gave up and let her do what she wanted. She was probably right, he should stop.

Karin paid the bill and dragged him out of the bar. His legs were a little wobbly and his vision a little blurred, but he was still mostly conscious. That's what drinking too much did to you, he didn't eve feel the effects of that many shots because his body was already used to it. It was quite frustrating. He sighed loudly as she shoved him into the cab and sent him back to his place, dialing Suigetsu's number to warn him of a drunk roommate coming his way.

When he got home, he fumbled with his keys. He didn't really want to go in, his urges to drink were whispering in his head, telling him to just go back and down a whole bottle. But he knew better, he still had restraints. So, when he entered, he was met by Suigetsu sitting on the couch with a serious look. They'd had this conversation before, of course. Sasuke knew very well what Suigetsu wanted to say, but at this moment he didn't really care. He just wanted a cold shower and the warmth of his bed. The back of his eyes was stinging with the need to shed tears, and he didn't want to do it in front of his friend.

"Again?" Suigetsu's voice sounded tired. He must have been asleep before Karin woke him up.

Sasuke averted his eyes.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

The Uchiha bit his lip. God, he didn't want to do this. Not today. Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone to mourn his bullshit in peace? 

"You know why." He grumbled, fingers pulling on the thread of a cheap orange bracelet.

"Just go take a shower. You reek of alcohol."

Sasuke was glad he didn't have to put up with any more interrogation for today, because Karin's had been enough. They knew why. Why did they make him say it?

The cold water dissipated some of the cloudiness in his mind. He felt more awake and more sane, but his thoughts still remained the same. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Soft skin. Smooth voice. All of the characteristics of a man that he couldn't stop thinking about even if he tried to (and believe him, he did try). It had become a lot more frequent in the past days, approaching what would be their one year anniversary if Sasuke hadn't been a bitch and run away. He felt guilty, so guilty. Naruto didn't deserve what he'd done.

In his bedroom, he stared at his phone with a lot of doubts. Should he really do it? Should he try to at least know how the guy was doing, even after all that time? Did he even have the right to want to know? He didn't think so. But it was so overwhelming, the need to shoot a shot, to give into the temptation of texting that number. He didn't even think he would get an answer. Hell, he didn't _deserve_ an answer. But... God, he just wanted to do something, to say something. He felt like shit.

Slowly, he unlocked his phone and saved the number he knew by heart to his contact list as "Naruto(?)".

Well, let's do it.

**Sasuke**

(03:50): _Hi_

(03:50): _I really don't know if this is still your number_

(03:50): _But I've been thinking about this for the past days and decided to try to reach out to you again_

(03:51): _I know it's been too long and I don't even know if you care anymore_

(03:52): _But I don't think it's fair to you if I don't at least try to explain myself a little_

(03:52): _I drank today_

(03:52): _I think that's why I got the guts to tell you this_

(03:53): _I missed your calls for months_

(03:53): _And I even deleted your number_

(03:53): _But every time it showed up on my phone screen, I knew it by heart_

(03:53): _I still know it by heart_

(03:54): _And it hurt to see you calling every single time, but I never picked it up_

(03:54): _And you kept insisting on me for whatever reason_

(03:54): _Until it stopped_

(03:54): _And you never called again_

(03:55): _And then I could only think that it was fucking obvious that you'd stop_

(03:55): _Nobody would insist on me forever, but you did for a long time_

(03:56): _I never quite realized how mean I can be and how mean I was to you_

(03:56): _I was so lost in myself and my own issues that I didn't realize I was hurting you_

(03:57): _And I know it makes me a bad person_

(03:57): _And I never know why I end up doing this shit, you know?_

(03:57): _Sometimes I can treat the people that I love like jewelry_

(03:37): _And I've never found myself worthy of wearing any kind of jewel_

(04:01): _I know very well that I can change my mind a lot, all the time_

(04:01): _One day I'm feeling something and on the next it seems it all went away_

(04:02): _I never wanted to lead you on or make you take part on my problems_

(04:03): _Never wanted to make a test out of you_

(04:04): _I still remember the time we spent together even if it was short_

(04:04): _I really fell in love with you_

(04:05): _Those were amazing two months, I couldn't believe I deserved to be happy like that_

(04:05): _Because you made me happy_

(04:05): _And I still don't believe I deserve something like that_

(04:06): _Because well, in the end I really ended up going away huh?_

(04:06): _But I still remember_

(04:06): _I remember so many little things about you_

(04:06): _Your favorite food_

(04:07): _How you can only sleep if you're hugging something_

(04:07): _I remember that little dark dot you have on your nape, hidden by your hair_

(04:07): _I remember everything_

(04:08): _I still know your birthday, October 10th_

(04:08): _I wish I spent it with you the last time_

(04:08): _I even remember your mother's favorite song_

(04:08): _You really did a number on me_

(04:09): _I don't even know why exactly I'm writing all of this_

(04:09): _I don't even know if you're going to read it or if you're going to do the same as I did_

(04:09): _Ignore me and pretend you didn't even see the texts_

(04:09): _Maybe it isn't fair of me, but I wanted to apologize_

(04:09): _For everything I must've put you through, you know?_

(04:10): _All this time, I just wanted to apologize to you_

(04:10): _Maybe explain myself_

(04:10): _God, I'm already messing up my words_

(04:11): _There are too many feelings to write down_

(04:11): _I've talked to you about it, but I don't know if you remember_

(04:11): _I run away when things are good_

(04:12): _I could never really accept that something could go well for me_

(04:12): _Because why the fuck would it go well?_

(04:12): _I don't deserve it_

(04:12): _I didn't deserve you_

(04:13): _And I ran away_

(04:13): _Ran away from my feelings, ran away from you, ran and ran and ran_

(04:13): _Even when we were together I tried to delude myself_

(04:13): _Thinking that I could actually deserve having you by my side_

(04:14): _I never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me_

(04:14): _I don't think someone could ever look at me the way you did_

(04:15): _You looked at me like you liked me so much, but I knew it wouldn't last_

(04:15): _Nothing good lasts for me_

(04:15): _Nothing ever did_

(04:16): _Not my parents, not my brother, not our relationship_

(04:16): _And it's like I said_

(04:16): _I don't deserve that it lasts_

(04:17): _I ended up dragging you to this mess that I am_

(04:17): _It wasn't intentional_

(04:17): _I never thought you'd fall in love with me for real_

(04:17): _Hell, to this day I don't know if it was real_

(04:17): _Which is mean of me_

(04:17): _It's unfair to you and to your heart_

(04:18): _My stupid ignorance struck again, my stupid way of dealing with things struck again_

(04:18): _And it fucked everything up once again_

(04:18): _Because I always fuck everything up, all the time_

(04:19): _There isn't anything that I lay my hands on that I don't fuck up with_

(04:20): _There isn't anything that I touch that doesn't become trash_

(04:20): _And so it seems I ended up breaking your heart_

(04:21): _Ended up hurting you in a way that someone so good like you would never deserve_

(04:21): _Like an eclipse, I entered your life to make everything darker_

(04:21): _You, who I had always thought that shined so brightly_

(04:22): _I failed to see it from the start, failed to see that this would happen_

(04:22): _Tried to delude myself so bad_

(04:22): _And because of that I tore you open, ended up hurting you, fucking up again_

(04:23): _Because I'm an idiot_

(04:23): _Breaking things is what I do_

(04:23): _I didn't want to break you_

(04:24): _I spent weeks thinking about this, thinking about calling you, thinking about going after you_

(04:24): _But I don't deserve to hear your voice again_

(04:24): _Or to see your face_

(04:24): _And spoil your smile again_

(04:24): _The most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my life_

(04:24): _So I decided to write and send texts that you might not ever read_

(04:25): _Only this way I think I'm gonna find peace, telling you that none of it was your fault, that you never did anything wrong_

(04:25): _It was all me_

(04:25): _All the blame is on me and only me_

(04:25): _So I'm sorry_

(04:26): _Sorry that I couldn't believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me, especially someone like you_

(04:26): _You who are so different from me, who could see in me something that I could never see_

(04:26): _I'm sorry for having been such a blind idiot_

(04:27): _I never wanted to leave you_

(04:27): _I've always wanted to come back to you, but it wouldn't be fair to you_

(04:27): _I didn't mean to leave you and all of the things we had behind_

(04:28): _But I'm fucking stupid_

(04:28): _I ran away because I didn't think that kind of happiness was suited for me_

(04:28): _It never was_

(04:29): _I also couldn't believe that you deserved someone like me, Naruto, because you deserve much, much better_

(04:29): _Someone so much better than me_

(04:29): _Someone who wouldn't hurt you_

(04:29): _Maybe you've already found this person, and if you did, I'm happy for you_

(04:29): _You deserve all of the happiness this world can offer and everything good it has, because you are good_

(04:30): _I don't think I have anything else to say_

(04:30): _But I still love you_

(04:30): _I never forgot you_

(04:30): _And I still think about you every fucking day so much that it hurts_

(04:30): _This is what I deserve for having done everything that I did_

(04:31): _I hope you're doing well_

(04:31): _That you're eating well and that your friends are taking care of you_

(04:31): _I'm sorry for showing up out of the blue again, but I needed you to know_

(04:31): _That it wasn't your fault_

(04:31): _It was only mine_

(04:32): _And I love you_

(04:32): _I love you so fucking much, Naruto_

(04:32): _More than I ever loved anyone else_

(04:32): _And that's it_

(04:33): _Goodbye again_

Sasuke set his phone aside on his bedside table and stared at the ceiling.

He didn't hope for an answer. He knew he didn't deserve one. But now it seemed like something was lifted off from his chest after reassuring Naruto that nothing had ever been his fault. Sasuke didn't want the man he loved to think that he had done anything wrong, anything that would make Sasuke leave. He wanted Naruto to be free of any kind of guilt, wanted him to be the happiest man in the world. If he knew Naruto was happy, he didn't need anything else.

* * *

When Sasuke woke up around 11 in the morning, he had a terrible headache that he should've seen coming. He _had_ drank a lot more than he should last night, after all. He got up grumpily and downed a pill to make it go away, then grabbed his phone to look at his messages. Karin texted him asking about how he was doing and if he needed her to come over, to which he said yes. Suigetsu would make him eat shit if his girlfriend wasn't there, and Sasuke wasn't keen on arguing about his health. He scrolled down the app to see the contact saved as "Naruto(?)", no profile picture, and remembered what he'd done. He cursed himself for doing that drunk, but didn't regretted it. At least he managed to say everything he had to.

He opened the conversation, seeing the blue ticks that signed Naruto had actually seen his texts. His stomach twirled around inside his body.

Last seen 10:41.

Yeah, he wouldn't be getting an answer.

Well, he hadn't hoped for one in the first place.

Sasuke just got up and went to to his chores for the day, beginning with a scorching hot cup of black coffee

* * *

**Naruto**

_Call me_ :(15:43)

 _I still love you too_ :(15:43)


End file.
